UGLY CROWN

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When I was 19 and my brother Kenneth was 11, our mother, Carmen Lucedra, died after a year of struggling with cancer. Kenneth graduated elementary without our mom, I lost my inspiration to continue my music. My whole world crashed before me and I was so angry at God that He took away the best I’ve got, my mother. I began to question His love. For 2 years, God took in all my frustration and disappointment with Him and just let me be. And that is the birth of this song – writte
n at the darkest and lowest point of my life. However, during my journey through pain and anger, the message of the cross was so strong and conclusive once and for all – that God’s love for me and the whole world was already settled on the cross. No amount of pain, grief or loss should cause me to question that. Following Him doesn’t mean my life would be a breeze all throughout but that doesn’t mean otherwise either. He is just more concerned with my holiness than my happiness; he’s after my character than my comfort. God loves me. Amen to that, but He is also in the business of transforming me to love Him wholeheartedly. And since I am now living in Christ, just like my mom did when she was alive, momentary separation may be inevitable but there is always hope of a grand reunion in heaven with the ones we love.
He loves us so much that our earthly crowns – a symbol of finiteness as well as our sin and shame, He took it upon himself that you and I can look good before the Father and may be worthy to stand before Him, blameless and with complete joy.
To my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, be glory and majesty, dominion and authority, both now and forever. Amen!
Dedicated to my dear Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Thank you for wearing my ugly crown. – Catherine Lucedra-Pasco